Say Goodbye to Bad Dating Habits!
TMJ4 "Ask The Expert"
As we get ready to say goodbye to summer, it may be time to finally start saying “so long” to your bad dating habits! Matchmaker Julie Amann from It’s Just Lunch says now’s the time to STOP focusing on your deal breakers... and START focusing on your deal makers.
What are the most common deal breakers for men and women?
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According to a recent survey, the number one deal breaker for men is a date who is disheveled or sloppy. For women, the number one deal breaker is a date who is lazy. And both men AND women agree that a date who is too needy is just too much work.
“The #1 deal breaker for our clients at It’s Just Lunch is negativity,” says matchmaker Julie Amann. “Women pick up on a date’s negativity very fast -- in the first 10 minutes. Meanwhile, men are drawn to women with a positive outlook.” She added, “Smoking is still a big deal breaker. Politics and religion are also deal breakers.”
Why should singles stop focusing on their deal breakers?
“We always advise our clients at It's Just Lunch to look at the positives instead of negatives. No one is perfect”, says Amann.
Start looking for and appreciating a potential partner’s positive character traits. Focus on your “must-haves” instead of your deal breakers. Don’t focus so much on one bad trait that you lose sight of five good ones.
Another key piece: don't fall into the “I can fix him (or her)” trap. As a professional matchmaker, Amann found that most people, especially those who are older than 30, are set in their ways. She suggests “Focusing on finding someone who is more aligned with your lifestyle”.
So how do we drop these dating bad habits and make a fresh start in the new year?
Throw Away Your List
We all want certain things in a partner, but Amann would advise her clients not to stick so closely to it that they miss out on someone who might have potential.
Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
If you’re doing the same thing every day -- same coffee shops, same restaurants, same bars, same gym -- you’re not going to organically meet the person of your dreams if you haven’t already. Shake things up. Try out new places, activities -- open yourself to new opportunities.
Be an “Invested” Dater
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If you’ve been in the dating pool longer than you like, it’s easy to get discouraged. But do your best to be enthusiastic about each new opportunity. Amann tells us her clients aren’t just testing the waters; they’re ready to date. “Whether they’re in their 20's -- or their 70's -- their commitment to the process is the same. Be proactive and want to find the right person for you!”